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What if I had never become a Los Angeles Rams fan?

It’s “What If” Week

The Professor and some other guy.
The Professor and some other guy.

Sometimes, one play, one moment, one decision can change everything — or maybe only a little bit. Either way, it can be fun to imagine the various timelines if one thing had gone differently. SB Nation NFL is looking at those hypotheticals, alternate universes, and made-up scenarios in our second annual “What If?” week. You can follow along with every story here.

So it’s “What If” Week. The only “what if” I have is “What if I wasn’t a diehard Los Angeles Rams Fan?”

First I would definitely not be married. The only reason I proposed to my current wife was that she promised that the Rams would win the Super Bowl if I married her. So I took the plunge. In our first year of marriage, the Rams won Super Bowl XXXIV.

Since my wife was not truly aware of just how devoted a fan I am, I’ve had to make compromises to keep the marriage going. She is convinced that I love the Rams more than her. My response has been, “Yeah, but I’ve known them longer.”

So each time the Rams have appeared in the Super Bowl, I’ve had to plunge deep into my pocketbook in order to reward her for tolerance and patience. I would be a lot richer since Super Bowl XXXIV cost me $75k for a new car of her own choosing (well worth it as the Rams won), $30k for Super Bowl XXXVI so she could fix up our backyard to her liking and $12k this year for a trailer I had to buy for Super Bowl LIII.

Over the years, I’ve collected a lot of Rams memorabilia. If wasn’t a devoted Rams fan besides being single, I’d probably be living in a mobile home rather than an actual house. The walls would display my Rams gear on every inch of space available. I’ve got so much stuff that when my daughter decided to move away for college, I informed her that I wholeheartedly approved and to not worry about the cost since I can finally utilize her room for a greater cause than her living there as I’ve run out of space for more Rams stuff.

Apparently this didn’t sit well with her so once again I was forced to compromise...I bought her a Rams blindfold so she doesn’t have to look at the walls of her room when she comes home on vacation.

I would not be able to sleep well if I wasn’t dedicated Rams fan since the only way I can avoid tossing and turning at night is sleeping with my Rams comforter, sheets and pillow cases. Nor would I be the mark of a fashion model, being the “sexiest man alive,” if wasn’t wearing some kinda Rams clothes every day.

In addition since I only post about the Rams, there would be no need for me to have any social media accounts.

I wouldn’t have a son who looks like me and according to my wife disapprovingly says is “just like you, pacing the floor, screaming at the TV for four quarters of a Rams football game and cries just like you do if they lose.”

Good genes and good habits are hard to get rid of.

All in all without the Rams, my life would simply be boring and uneventful. An emptiness seeking something to replace the void.

I’m lucky to have found my obsession. Truth is, being a Rams fan is one the greatest joys life has to offer.