Inside the truly odd Jared Goff Banana Republic experience

Los Angeles Rams QB Jared Goff is 24-years old and has appeared in a Pro Bowl and a Super Bowl. Rams fans know this. He’s our quarterback. He’s unavoidably central to the team.

But what truly makes the man? What is it really like to be Jared Goff?

His play isn’t flashy like Kansas City Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes or Cleveland Browns QB Baker Mayfield. He lacks the mobility of Seattle Seahawks QB Russell Wilson or Dallas Cowboys QB Dak Prescott.

Jared Goff has traits that can only originate from a California product.

Laidback. Cool under pressure.

But don’t take my word for it.

That’s straight from the press release from Banana Republic announcing Goff as their new style ambassador to launch their Core Temp collection, “powered by 37.5® Technology is a feat of science and nature, engineered with volcanic sand to increase stamina by conserving energy, as well as aid in thermoregulation to help stabilize body temperature at the ideal 37.5 degrees Celsius.”

The hell does that even mean? Well, volcanos, tropical jungles, and pants I suppose:

To understand the core of Core Temp, I wasn’t content to just experience it from afar.

I went into the jungle myself.

The Brea Mall. My hometown jaunt.

When I walked into the store, I was not disappointed at the effort that the company went to in making it clear that Jared is face of their new line. His picture was everywhere, with the “pro athlete” disclaimer for folks not in the know; maybe they thought he was a professional gamer or the next Bachelor (hey...idea!). And this might be a bit cruel, but it feels a bit off-brand to push science + nature with Jared Goff. The slogan on the tags say “tested by Jared Goff.” Now, our franchise QB is a lot of things, but scientist he is not.

So what the hell is “core temp” supposed to be according to Dr. Goff? They’ve engineered these clothes to help keep you at your ideal body temperature, which is apparently 37.5° C. Let us not point out that neither 37.5° C would be the high end of the ideal temp spectrum, nor that humans are warm-blooded creatures. Suggesting normal body temperatures for our species would hardly be cool...

THE POINT IS these clothes are cool and casual. Just like Jared.

Another aspect about this line is that these clothes are pretty expensive. Do 24-year olds really wear blazers and linen that much? I did need to buy some shorts though, so I did that. They were like $69 which is (a) nice and (b) pretty steep when it comes down to my shorts budget which is less of a budget and more an exercise of principle of what I think is a fair price.

The shorts were 40% off. Goff is my boy. What the hell. Let’s do this.

During this magical experience, I was pushing around a 10-month-old baby. Time was not on my side. I grabbed a pair of shorts in the current shade of Rams blue without trying them on. They seemed a bit shiny and kind of strange, but...Core Temp! Who am I do judge the laboratory science that Jared Goff hand-tested? It’s the scientific method, folks! (However, once reality slapped me in the face, I realized the shorts sucked and have already been returned.)

So, what to make of Jared’s foray into the world of fashion? Mixed. I’m a big fan of his and want him to be a superstar in the NFL, but all of this seems... a bit too far. Can’t he just hock bad pizza or watered-down beer? Yanno, the old-fashioned QB marketing path?

Who knows. Maybe I’m not cool and comfortable enough to truly be like Goff. Maybe “comfort, movement and style” are not key for me like they are for Jared.

Maybe I’m not ready to join Jared in his version of the Cadillactica cover:

I should probably just splurge for the blazer.