As football fans continue to scour newsfeeds and social media for morsels of football news to satiate their offseason hunger, we at TST believe in enjoying the moment.
For now, or at least until the Cleveland Cavaliers get shown the door, we can all kick back and enjoy some pressure-free hardwood heroics. Which brings us to the completely pointless task of deciding which NBA franchise is the basketball equivalent of the Los Angeles Rams. Sure, the Rams have a constellation of unproven talent at linebacker, and the Coliseum currently looks like a sandbox, but we have bigger issues for the time being; what NBA fan base enjoys a parallel existence to us devotees of the curly horn?
Here are several categories that might help us find clarity on this critical issue:
The Rams have won one, Super Bowl XXXIV, and appeared in three making them the Portland Trail Blazers of the NFL. But if you’re looking to avoid Sam Bowie comparisons, we can gerrymander NFL championships into the comparison in which case the Rams are 3-5 in the pinnacle contest of seasons past. That would equate them to the likes of the Philadelphia 76ers (3-6 in the Finals) or the Detroit Pistons (3-4). The Rams only have one championship that anyone under eighty years old remembers. Similarly, the Sixers have only one championship since 1968. Pistons fans under the age of forty have enjoyed three successful title runs so I’ll go Sixers here.
Verdict: Philadelphia 76ers
Hall Of Famers
The Rams have a rich history that includes 16 Hall Of Fame inductees. In the world of hoops, the Rams are once again paralleled by the Sixers who also have 16 Hall Of Famers. Other teams that were close were the Atlanta (/St.Louis/Milwaukee/Tri Cities) Hawks who have 17, and the Pistons again, who have 18 Hall Of Famers.
I say Deacon.
You say Dr. J.
I say Crazy Legs Hirsch.
You say Moses Malone.
I say Faulk.
You say get a life.
Everybody knows that Rams fans don’t really care about the colors of their team’s uniforms (yeah, right), but if they absolutely had to pick they’d surely pick the blue/yellow kits everyday, on twitter-dot-com. While Nike and Kevin Demoff continue to chip away at a permanent look to wear in their currently under-construction Inglewood palace, I’ll assume that that their colors will be blue/yellow; which means they will blend in perfectly with all the band wagon Splash Brothers fans that have appeared in L.A. lately.
Verdict: Golden State Warriors
With a young roster, exciting offseason acquisitions and a promising young coach, the Rams appear to be a team on the rise. NBA teams that can be similarly optimistic about tomorrow are teams like the Boston Celtics, Minnesota Timberwolves, and….the Sixers again. In this category, I’ll actually go with Boston’s combo of established players like Kyrie Irving, Al Horford, and Gordon Hayward along with up and comers like Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown. Celtics Head Coach Brad Stevens and Rams Head Coach Sean McVay have both ascended the professional ranks quickly and become highly respected coaches that are ushering in future trends within their respective sports. It may sicken many Rams/Los Angeles Lakers fans but….
As one of the few teams to have a herbivorous hooved animal for a mascot along with the Buffalo Bills and Indianapolis Colts, the Rams could only consider the Milwaukee Bucks or Chicago Bulls their NBA equivalent. I gotta go with the Bucks here since the Bull is a pathetic domesticated creature while bighorns and deer still rule the untamed wilderness of North America and beyond.
Surely, I could continue this exercise and explore other important aspects of Ram existence: geographical locations, teams that have loud PA announcers (I see you Detroit), and teams owned by guys named Stan (Denver Nuggets).
However rather than waste anymore of anyone’s time, let us cut to the chase and say that the historically up-and-down Rams franchise is most closely mirrored by Philadelphia Sixers of the NBA. Both teams have a rich history yet pain is like an old, familiar friend to both fan bases.