If today is feeling like you got smacked in the face with déjà vu, well, it’s probably because last year’s first preseason game between the Los Angeles Rams and the Dallas Cowboys is happening all over again. This time, let’s hope that it’s a harbinger of better things to come. Last year marked the first time Jared Goff and Dak Prescott put on NFL uniforms, but only one of them made me hate my life. However, it’s a new season and a brand new culture for the Rams. We not me!
So, with that being said, let’s get bold with some predictions:
- Todd Gurley is going to go full Bo Jackson in Tecmo Bowl, ripping apart the Cowboys defensive line. The man has something to prove. Does he feel bad about last year? Of course he does. Those Carls Jr. commercials were embarrassing.
- Kayvon Webster will have a glorious pick 6, proving to the NFL that he deserves to be a starter. Now, given that he is a starter, he won’t be on the field long, so look for this to happen during the Cowboys’ first drive. And look for me to be running down La Cienega Blvd in only my underwear if this happens.
- The longest bomb of the night will be a 55-yard reception by Pharoh Cooper, thrown by everyone’s favorite gunslinger, Jared Goff. Cooper will be the standout WR for the Rams, proving to the coaching staff that he belongs on the team. His new touchdown dance, entitled “The Nasty Pharoh”, will be met with a mixed reaction from fans but a steep fine from the league.
- Speaking of our QB, I really feel like Goff is going to cut a guy tonight. Nothing too deep, but maybe a light scratch. You read that Bleacher Report article this week and I’m sure Goff has as well. The guy has something to prove about his “softness.” Yes, violence like this is horrible and I do not endorse it in any way, but think about how it’ll reignite the fanbase!
- In another unexpected moment, I’m predicting that Coach Sean McVay will grow impatient with the play of his tight ends, causing him to slam his clip board to the ground, ripping off his hoodie, and revealing that he’s wearing full pads. Although it will be against NFL rules, I think McVay will have 13 catches for 374 yards.
And yes, the Rams are going to roll over the Cowboys in a rout. It’s going to be an epic win that ultimately won’t matter (save for Goff’s untimely arrest in the second quarter).
Even if my bold predictions fail to see the light of day, this will be the dawn of the new Rams under Coach McVay. And that is something to get excited about.