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What’s Your Perfect Super Bowl Menu?

Time to talk the most important part of the Super Bowl...the food.

The Annual Bath And Wells Show
Where’s the beef?
Photo by Matt Cardy/Getty Images

Food is good. I eat some every day. Most people I know do too. Tomorrow, during Super Bowl LI, many people will be eating food. It’s a great time for you to eat some food.

The eternal question remains.

What food to make for your Super Bowl party?

Growing up in Texas, I can’t shake a Tex-Mex bias in my Super Bowl culinary preferences. To have a Super Bowl party without queso lies somewhere between a venial sin and a felony. And yes, I’m talking trash queso. Velveeta. Save the real cheese for the other 364 days of 2017. Tomorrow belongs to America’s favorite “pasteurized cheese product”. New to life and don’t know the magic of Velveeta queso? Put it in a pot. Add a can of Ro-Tel (which is up to 8 different styles). In a skillet, brown some ground beef. Add it to the Velveeta/Ro-Tel. Open a bag of tortilla chips. Dip them in the queso. Eat them. Be well.

After that, I’m open. As Brandon Bate can attest, I like to fry food for football. I’m particular to catfish, but again. Southern. I get it. Not everyone can be about this life.

Chicken wings have become a ubiquitous part of the American diet, and I’m not sure when. But wings have taken over. And that’s ok with me.

Find a Tex-Mex advocate who doesn’t like nachos, and you’ll have found the first.

One thing I can’t support? Using Super Bowl Sunday as a springboard to test out healthy alternatives for finger foods. This is America. This is not the day, friends. My mother, like many other mothers I’m sure, often said, “There’s a place and a time for everything.” She of course only said that when I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to be doing at that place and/or time. Which was often. Using a Super Bowl Sunday to try your pumpkin poppers or hummus whatevers or anything with cauliflower or broccoli...just no. Just like the actual cheese, you get 364 other days to maintain supremacy. Super Bowl Sunday is not the day to raid Whole Foods’ bulk section.

What’s on your menu for Super Bowl Sunday? What’s the best thing you’ve had for the Big Game™? What do you usually make for football Sundays? What the hell are you eating on other days? TALK FOOD TO ME, PEOPLE.