Ignore Sepp Blatter and focus on the super serious sport of American football, friends.
Back in 2008, Chip Kelly gave a lecture at USC and said the following:
We tell the running back to read the first down lineman to the play side. If he expands in the gap, the running back hits the gap. The philosophy of the play is a tough running play. If the line can get up two yards on the defense, the back can, too. We want him to jam the ball into the hole and be a tough runner. We do not want a jingle-footed back trying to hit a home run.
A jingle-footed back.
A JINGLE-FOOTED BACK.
This is easily in my top 3 things that make football coaches endearing: making up absolute nonsensical terms and then explaining them quite accurately. If you take the entire excerpt Matt Lombardo did at NJ.com, everything Kelly says makes complete sense...except calling someone jingle-footed.
The only uses of jingle-footed in the top 50 results from a Google search I did roughly 18 seconds ago that weren't related to Chip Kelly was a poem called The Horse in My Yard by Gene Shuford, part of a collection titled Texas in Poetry 2 by Billy Bob Hill, and an anonymously written poem from a schoolbook about poetry. The only uses of "jingle-footed" I can find are a random poem about a horse and a crappy schoolbook about poetry. And Chip Kelly.
With that in mind, here are some other players I don't think NFL coaches would appreciate on their rosters.
- Goose-toed tight ends
- Crampled free safeties
- Bunxsome guards
- Ratchet outside linebackers
- Aloof any position (aloof is one of the weirdest words in the English language and I'm pretty sure it's part of a multi-year plot to tear us apart from within)
- Terk-a-jerk quarterback, especially dual-threat-terk-a-jerk ones
- Meek Milly kickers
- First-round running backs
Thanks for reading.