Let's dive right in!
If you are just tuning in, be sure to check all of our non-hits in the StoryStream.
20. The Joker, Steve Miller Band
If I was convinced that this song was a joke, it wouldn't make the list. Insipid garbage.
19. Only the Good Die Young, Billy Joel
A Beta posturing as an Alpha. Pffft.
18. Desperado, Eagles
See? I'm not the only one.
17. Leader of the Pack, Shangri-Las
Seriously, just watch...you'll understand...
16. Jack and Diane, John Cougar Mellencamp
Can we whine just a little more over some insignificant stupidity?
15. Stairway to Heaven, Led Zeppelin
Many commenters are probably surprised to see this song at only 15. Many were guessing it to be the number one. Truly, they had a good case, because the suck is epic, but this should be an indicator of just how badly the top 14 hoover.
14. I've Seen All Good people, Yes
The suck just goes on and on and on...
13. Momma, I'm Coming Home, Ozzy Osbourne
What's worse than this song on the radio? This song live, performed by Ozzy on exactly and literally every drug in the known Universe.
12. Money for Nothing, Dire Straits
I got an objection from the editor of a gay newspaper in London – he actually said it was below the belt. Apart from the fact that there are stupid gay people as well as stupid other people, it suggests that maybe you can't let it have so many meanings – you have to be direct. In fact, I'm still in two minds as to whether it's a good idea to write songs that aren't in the first person, to take on other characters. The singer in "Money for Nothing" is a real ignoramus, hard hat mentality – somebody who sees everything in financial terms. I mean, this guy has a grudging respect for rock stars. He sees it in terms of, well, that's not working and yet the guy's rich: that's a good scam. He isn't sneering.
11. What a Lucky Man, Emerson, Lake and Palmer
And what an unlucky one am I, for ever having heard this drivel. What is this crap and why is it in my ears? Most importantly, get it out!
So, there you have it, Rockomaniacs! We are down to the top ten, coming Friday to a Turf Show Times near you. Be there or be square!
Be sure to visit the comments and predict your choice for the top ten worst Rock songs of all time!