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Seasons Greetings to Rams' Opponents...

Fine, Marshall Faulk. Here are some nice things I will say about the Rams' 2014 opponents.

Kelley L Cox-USA TODAY Sports

Well, the short week last week threw me off from the timing to say something nice about Arizona. To make up for it, here are some nice things about every opponent the Rams have faced/will face off against in 2014.

New Orleans Saints

You have a city that is a lot of fun and your food tastes very good. Also, you gave Steve Spagnuolo a defensive coordinator gig after being fired by the Rams, so I acknowledge your charitable ways.

Green Bay Packers

You have a good quarterback and your home fans seem capable of enduring temperatures that would make ice say, "Wow. Now that's cold." Your alcohol tolerance is also impressive/scary/I'm pretty sure you guys aren't human.

Cleveland Browns

You had the courage to play Brian Hoyer for 13 games in front of a first-round QB selection who in the course of those 13 games threw more interceptions than touchdowns. Rust Belt? Maybe. Brass balls? Indeed.

Miami Dolphins

Many good-looking people attend your sporting events. Still the only city capable of producing its own Sound Machine.

Minnesota Vikings

You guys drafted Randy Moss. That's grounds for putting anyone who ever lived within a 20-mile radius of Minneapolis in the Hall of Fame in my book.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers for the win?

Dallas Cowboys

I can't.

Philadelphia Eagles

You drink as much as Packers fans but without the tolerance to do so. I commend for your willingness to throw responsibility to the wind like an errant Mark Sanchez pass.

San Francisco 49ers

You guys were really good for a while there.

Seattle Seahawks

You guys are really good for a while here.

Kansas City Chiefs

You have a very dedicated fan base. Although between you guys and the Royals, I might suggest that there is no "Once Per Generation" rule in professional sports. You're allowed to be good more often.

Arizona Cardinals

Your stadium is supposed to look like a coiled snake, which I guess is pretty cool. When I think of it though, I think it looks like the Iron Giant took a dump in the middle of the Arizona desert and thinking of the Iron Giant pooping is worth a smile. Thanks for the memories.

Denver Broncos

You did a smart good in signing Peyton Manning. Way to go, fellas!

San Diego Chargers

On one hand, everyone knows the weather in San Diego is the best weather any city has to offer in the entire United States. On the other, the thing you're known for is the weather which is kinda sad. But hey, if you're feeling down about that last part, go outside! It's beautiful out there!

Oakland Raiders

You guys make up really cool costumes. Don't ever stop doing that. Also, don't ever start doing that near my offspring. I appreciate you, but at a safe distance at all times if you please.


Someone I'm friends with had a tough run of it with some serious narcotics usage. There's always a bottom that either ends in death or rehabilitation. Many addicts would argue both are a form of redemption. I hope for your sake this is your bottom. Chin up.

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