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D'Marco Farr's cry for help

The local talking head penned a message to the struggling Rams. Nobody knows what the hell he's talking about.

Jeff Curry-USA TODAY Sports

The Rams aren't producing wins right now, but they are giving columnists plenty of fodder for hot takes. Even friendly corporate partners media outlets like 101 ESPN are dishing on the disappointment. Former Ram turned deejay D'Marco Farr chimed in on Sunday with this, um, message to the team posted on the radio station's website.

Farr's missive begs only one question: WTF?

As Matt Sebek suggested it reads like a suicide note. It's definitely a cry for help, but help for who?

Let's parse the prose.

You can't quit now. None of you.

This will always be the fundamental disconnect between the media/fans and the paid performers on the big stage. The consumer can choose when to check out and check back in. The player, good or bad, must ride the lightning all the way to the ground.

Ok, sure, haters gonna hate and all that. And about that "fundamental disconnect," that's why the radio station employs you, D'Marco. You're there to do more than just sell the team's message and pitches for local jewelers.

The plane is going down, so to hell with the pilot, right? I'm parachuting at 30,000 feet and moving on to the local division champs. Smooth ride to paradise and I'm all in with you. The same evacuees deride and ridicule for perceived sameness from athletes.


Powerful metaphor for bandwagon fans, and a pretty solid case to be Rams' poet laureate. Working in popular internet slang says you can still connect with the kids today. Nicely done. As for the actual substance, well, there is none. It's hard to find more than fair weather fans when the team's best season since 2004 is 8-8. That said, there is still a pretty large contingent of dedicated fans, evidenced by the traffic report of this site. And we're pissed off, dissatisfied and have the knives out for a team determined to stick to the same plan that has them at 1-3 through the season's first month.

Every big paycheck comes with a price. The price is conditional love from your benefactor. It's the classic struggle of win vs. when. Win and I love you. Lose and it's when are we getting rid of this bum?

You get what you play for, Sammy Boy.

Artful transition to a stanza about the quarterback, the quarterback who occasionally flashes the talent expected of a first overall pick that quickly disappears at the first sign of an oncoming rusher. Shut up and take it, fans. But it's not just Bradford. The big ticket free agents of the last two seasons, Cortland Finnegan, Jared Cook and now Jake Long are hardly living up to the expectations the team sold all spring.

Such a thankless job.

And here's where it goes from hacky to just plain weird.

Maybe the St. Louis Rams should play without logos until they earn them back. Obviously, you don't deserve them right now.

Um, okay.

I bet you think this is about you.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ... A Carly Simon reference?

Let me take a stab at recreating this masterwork, cramming it into one big run-on sentence for your absurdist reading pleasure.

Never get off the burning plane of pop song references when it's headed down over the Amazon and you don't have any logos on your paycheck and the passengers parachuted off somewhere over paradise, Sam.

Also, nonsensical, poorly edited columns are Softli's game.