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Preseason Game One: Time To Jump Ship

Nanny nanny boo boo, stick your head in some offseason doo doo! Mandatory Credit: Brian Spurlock-US PRESSWIRE
Nanny nanny boo boo, stick your head in some offseason doo doo! Mandatory Credit: Brian Spurlock-US PRESSWIRE

[Note by Ryan Van Bibber, 08/12/12 10:50 PM EDT ] I hate to do this to DC's post, but I'm going to because I'm tired of getting pissed off emails and reminders that sarcasm is officially dead. This note is from DC in the comments:

I love the Rams and will never jump was in good fun because of the extreme sense of pessimism after today's game.

Thanks for identifying me as a ‘problem' though. I should put up another poll where people could vote on'd probably be closer than the one I put up :)

People, lighten up. It's a football game, a preseason one at that. There's no need to freak out about the end of the world OR people being a little upset about a crummy showing. DC is kidding around here, in the tradition of Jonathan Swift, but people were pretty upset at his idea for solving the Irish famine. Now let's eat this baby.

Well folks, the time has come…the Rams lost, in excruciating fashion, to the Indianapolis Colts today, 38-3. It is clear to me that hopes of a double-digit win season are long gone. Snap back to reality like Rabbit from 8-Mile. We gave it our best offseason effort, and the Rams simply didn't reciprocate. For that reason, we must jump ship...

I hate to do this so soon, as I was intending to hold out until at least week 3….of the preseason, but our starting squad simply cannot cut it, and the offseason was a complete farce. You thought getting rid of the old regime was the right thing to do?!? The Saints are 1-0. Goooooooo Spags! You thought trading back in the draft was a good idea? The Redskins are 1-0. Goooooo Subway/Gatorade/RG3/Dave Letterman! I'm outta here, ladies and gents, and I want to know who's coming with me!

The Colts scored Five TD's….the Rams scored three points. For those of you who though Young G-Z was our best player, you were right. Three points Zuerlein, ZERO points other 88 players!

Cortland Finnegan got paid big time in the offseason….he fist-fought no wide receivers. Janoris Jenkins smoked in the offseason, yet he smoked no wide receivers. Brian Quick was exactly that….Quick….to make an appearance, and then disappear. Chris was Givens about 4 or 5 deep balls….one which even faked the camera out (and I took a nap during)…and the rest under/over thrown by everyone but our 3rd string QB, who appears to be our best.

Steven Jackson shredded the field, while Isaiah Pead the bed. Fumble, run for a loss, lost footing, step out of the endzone, lost footing. Where is Jerious Norwood?!?

I hate to sound so pessimistic, but it's now or never for Rams fans. There was the fluke-ish 2010 season where seven teams essentially gave up, and therefore handed us wins, but today our true colors shined. And those colors were 'yella.' Outside of that….nada. And by nada, I mean one - or two - or three wins per season.

The New York Giants are looking pretty good to me, and I've got quite a bit of Capitals and Nationals gear to make sure that rocking the red, white, and blue is a cinch. The Packers shouldn't be too difficult, but that's just because I a) eat cheese like it's going out of style, and b) eat cheese like 'whoa,' Black Rob style.

Either way, it's been nice knowin ya! I like some of you, and others I think the most DX-ness of….For those of you who are with me, let's roll! If you want to stay, I understand…..I'll see you week three of the preseason.

Post script - I'm taking DX with me….but just to the ER. He's still a Ram :)