The Shortest Winter, Act II, Part 1

Act I, in which Billy Devaney and Steve Spagnuolo are both fired, can be found here.

ACT II

Scene 1

INT. OFFICE

We're back in STAN KROENKE's office, amid the memorabilia miscellany. Now, however, it's messier. Documents for the 2012 NFL Draft remain. Copies of legal documents pertaining to the staff shake up earlier in the year are scattered across two desks. KROENKE, however, is sitting in front of a window away from his workspace watching the snow fall. Silently. It is November 2012.

Chief Operating Officer KEVIN DEMOFF, ever the able and loyal steward, stands in front of the door. He was summoned, so he came. He hasn't been told to sit, so he hasn't.

: (Sits silently for more than a minute)

: Sir, you called for me?

: I did. We're back here again, Mr. Demoff. Back at the bottom of the standings in late November. You know how much I hate being here.

: I do, sir.

: And we thought we were doing the right thing when we hired Coach after we let Spags go. Everything seemed to be falling into place.

: It did, sir.

: And yet here we are again, now even closer to the end of our lease. Every day, they're talking about how I want to move the team to Los Angeles. Everyone in this building knows it's not true, but the narrative's already been built. The court of public opinion has already decided on my desire to move the team.

: It's an unfortunate situation, sir.

: It is. So we have to change it.

: Sir, I'm confused. You can't change the past.

: Kevin, I'm Stan Kroenke. I can do whatever the hell I want. (Without looking, KROENKE hits the speakerphone button on his desk phone) Derinda, please have Coach and Sam come in here immediately...Thank you.

DEMOFF quickly dashes down the hall, reappearing not even a minute later with star Rams QB Sam Bradford, and the head coach of the St. Louis Rams.

: Good afternoon, Mr. Kroenke.

: Hey, Sam. How's the shoulder feel?

: It's fine, sir. I'll be ready to go on Sunday.

: Good. You'll need to be in top shape to go when I'm asking you to go.

: Sir, I think you meant "where" Sam will be going.

: No, I did not. For the last 10 years, the Swiss arm of Kroenke Industries has been working on a time travel machine.

: Sir, I didn't know Kroenke Industries even had a Swiss arm.

: Nobody did. I couldn't let anyone know, because everyone knows the Swiss are the industry leaders in time travel. And now they've produced a working prototype for me. Sam, I need you to go back to January for me.

: Mr. Kroenke, I have to admit, I'm a bit nervous about this. I mean, are you absolutely certain that it's safe? And what are the rules about seeing myself? I mean, I was watching TimeCop with Danny the other day, and this guy touched himself in the future, or maybe it was the past. Wait, no, the future guy and the past guy met each other in the present and touched each other, and he just turned into a blood explosion. It was gross.

: Sam, you have to trust me.

: I just can't believe you've created a time machine. It's unbelie --

: Hold on just a minute, sir.

: Coach?

: You mean to tell me that you've invented a car that drives through time like a car that drives through air?

: Oh, I forgot. (Picks up phone again) Derinda, I need the translator too.

The team's translator who turns Les Miles' words into normal English sentences, JORDAN JEFFERSON, enters.

: Hi, Mr. Kroenke. Mr. Demoff. Sam. Coach.

: Yup. I was just posing a question of uncertainty to Mr. Kroenke here about a time machine he's built. Apparently it's some kind of a plane that flies through time and parks in the past like a normal plane at an airport.

: Mr. Kroenke, he's just asking what the time machine looks like.

: Ah, I see. Well, it looks kind of like the telepods in the Fly.

: I saw that movie. It was frightening. Mr. Kroenke, I think we need to be careful that in our want for time travelation, we don't force a situation that doesn't situate properly. We have to make sure that the readiness is apparent on an emotional level. If we have indeed accomplished such, then the factors that lead to success on and off the field could be the factors we bring into the fold more often than not.

: He just wants to make sure Sam's ready.

: I'll spare no expense to make sure you're as safe as is humanly possible, Sam.

: I appreciate that, sir.

: I too hold a level of appreciation on that expression, Mr. Kroenke. Lastly in finality and closure, I would note that Sam's journey is a journey of uncertainness. While we have specific actions we can take to prepare the multitude of individuals involved and set conditions that lend themselves to a level of separate appreciability, our focus has to be on the flexibility that will be brought by us. When you put on the hat, you're wearing a piece of clothing on your head. But you may not be wearing the same had two years from said wearing. The memory of the day is elevated by how we performed.

: He's just saying we don't know how Sam will be affected by his time in the past, and we should be prepared to help him acclimate to the present upon his return.

: That's a good point, though I have no idea how you understood what he said to mean that. Sam, we'll be ready to help you when you get back.

: Thanks, Mr. Kroenke.

: If I may interrupt for a moment of shortness, if Sam goes back temporally to identify a coach of mind and heart that fits in the borders of the duties we hold as coaches, does that mean I won't continue to hold those duties when he recrosses the time Rubicon?

: Sir, he --

: That's alright, Jordan. I understood that one, although he did destroy that metaphor. Yes, Coach, if Sam is successful, you won't be the head coach of the St. Louis Rams in the present day. And speaking bluntly, given how the team has performed this season, I think --

JEFFERSON suddenly takes his cell phone out of his pocket and throws it to DEMOFF.

: Mr. Kroenke, Jordan has a problem of throwing things to people he shouldn't be throwing them to.

: I don't understand. He just randomly throws things away without any awareness of where he's throwing them, abandoning any sense of the role of individuals in his vicinity?

: Oh. I see. Well let's stay on the topic at hand. Sam, if you're ready --

JEFFERSON throws KROENKE's computer at MILES.

: Hehe, the ol' computer turnover. I've seen it a hundred times.

: Right. Sam, come with me.

Scene 2

INT. SWISS TIME TRAVEL LAB

After a quick map/flight scene thingy, BRADFORD, KROENKE and DEMOFF have entered a Swiss time travel lab, since as we all know the Swiss are the industry leaders in time travel. Surrounded by wires, electronic boards with lights and switches and buttons and stuff, and cheese, KROENKE has an air of determination. DEMOFF seems committed to the cause, though not knowing entirely what it is. BRADFORD, though confident, is apprehensive.

: Sir, this seems awfully advanced.

: Of course it's advanced, my boy. It's time travel.

: Sir, it's time.

: Good. Sam, I want you to listen to me. The fate of the season that you mostly just played hangs in the balance. The difference betweena 3-win team and a 10-win team rests in your hands. You know what you have to do. Go back to January. Go to the lake. Find him. Convince him that he needs to be here with us. Come back to us ready to go. Because when you do, we'll be in the playoff hunt. You and our new coach need to be prepared to win and deliver a playoff-caliber team to St. Louis.

: I understand, sir. I won't let you down.

BRADFORD enters the time travel telepod from the Fly, the sweat dropping down his cheesely-grinning face onto his unnecessarily colorful sweater. As he takes a seat, he salutes KROENKE professionally. Commandingly. KROENKE's salute returns, a mixture of authority and awkward rich toupee'd dudeness.

: God speed, young man. God speed.

Coming soon, Act II, Part 2. Will Sam be able to convince said mystery coach (who really isn't a mystery coach, if you read Act 1...) to take the helm of the Rams in the past to lead them to success in the pre-future before Sam's return to the now? Will he be able to adjust upon his reintegration?

JOIN US NEXT TIME ON BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK ROOOOOOOOOOGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERS!!! Wait. I mean THE SHORTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEST WINTEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!