So much "boola-boola" happens in the days before the NFL Draft. Magic wands are waved, and "Poof!", a player unknown to millions of NFL fans become potential stars overnight. Maybe Michael Silver is really Merlin? Mike Mayock could be Dumbledore? Mocking the Draft could be the draft equivalent of Hogwarts? Let's face it, the potion brewed by each NFL team's front office and scouting staff is their own proprietary blend. Most don't work all that well.
After all the ruminating over the last few months, I really have no idea who will be chosen, and why, after the first two picks on April 26th. So I enlisted none other than DCRamFan, and together we came up with a list of things that could happen or be said on Draft Day 2012:
Rodger Goodell will be booed when he walks onto the stage at Radio City Music Hall in New York City, and the TV cameras will pan to a drunk guy holding a poster containing a snappy quip about "Bounty Gate".
The new rules being imposed on networks to not give away the name of the player being picked before Goodell officially calls the name from his podium will cause some awkward moments for Rich Eisen and his NFL Network crew. ESPN's Chris Berman will say "...and we'll be right back, back, back, after these commercial messages", at least once.
Ryan Van Bibber will wear a t-shirt with "I'm a cage fighter, no really!" written on it. He gets Fletcher Cox to carry him under his arm up onto the stage when the Rams pick him at #6.
Mel Kiper jokes will make the top 10 on Google's search engine: 98% of which will have something to do with his hair...
Mike Mayock will say, "This is a guy..." at least 10 times... In the first round
Jason Cole will explain why "Slim-Fast and "Weight Watchers" are included in his next contract with Yahoo Sports.
Steve Wyche will say, "I'm hearing..." so many times that he'll be forced to take a hearing test before the NFL season begins.
All 32 teams will be thrilled with every pick they make.
The team that selects Vontaze Burfict will submit their name for the Nobel Prize for Humanitarian Works.
CAA will picket the draft, calling for a return to the good old days before the newest CBA. Their office memo to staff demanding they appear on the street in front of Radio City Music Hall in tattered business suits, while pushing aluminum can filled shopping carts, leaks just before Congress votes on a bailout package for their "troubled industry".
RGIII talks to Suzy Kolber in an exclusive interview. He reveals why he thinks Mike Shanahan always looks constipated... Suzy responds with a Merrill Hoge story...
Twitter crashes for the entire first day of the draft. Jason LaCanfora collapses as the world discovers he's actually Twitter powered...
When Jim Irsay and Andrew Luck walk up to the microphone, Irsay is heard saying, "Come on Lucky! Give us a kiss!" The Colts lose their second round pick when Jim misses Luck and kisses Goodell...
Chris Berman will, after inhaling for the first time in nearly a decade, elate NFL fans as he announces that he’s going back, back, back to ONLY doing home run derbies
Alcohol consumption amongst TSTer’s drastically increases when Justin Blackmon becomes a Cleveland Brown
There’s an awkward pause when, after announcing that Commissioner Goodell is ready to announce the first pick, he’s a no-show on stage. He’s seen backstage accepting a briefcase from Gregg Williams - - Andrew Luck is nervous
Snoop Dogg and Dre give new meaning to the ‘green room.’ Dre Kirkpatrick, that is...
Vindication for RG31: Bradford to Blackmon in 2012. He told you so
The Jets select Courtney Upshaw at 16. Suzy Kolber is waiting to interview him. Tim Tebow is waiting to baptise him
Rams fans mock harder than ever at the end of round 1, as Stephen Hill, Coby Fleener, and Jonathan Martin have fallen out of the first round. They’ve forgotten who they’ve taken at 6, momentarily, so that they can argue feverishly through the night over the 2nd day’s selections
Chris Mortenson mysteriously leaves the draft after only a few first round picks. Jon Gruden and Mike Tirico don’t like him there either
Though on set, ESPN desportes talks for 3 hours about how Cristiano Ronaldo lead Real Madrid past Barcelona
The first poll of the Rams 2012 potential record goes up a mere minutes after their selection at 6. The majority vote includes the word ‘super’
Todd McShay, who isn’t invited until day two, shoots several spitballs onto the main set, the majority of which bounce off Kipers helmet
‘And with the 3rd pick in the 2012 NFL draft, the Minnesota Vikings select.......Los Angeles
Raider’s executives trade down from 3.32 so that they have another (full) day to use their Living Social coupon for the East Bay Winery Bicycle Tour
Mel Kiper will double his correct prognostications from 2011, making 2 correct picks. And after RGIII, he returns to form making 30 consecutive wrong picks.
Here's to a great draft for the St. Louis Rams!