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The Teams We Love to Hate

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Why is it that some sports teams inspire a palpable, even visceral, dislike in so many of us? It is a hard to deny flaw in me, yet one I don't plan on trying to change or get therapy to work through. This is because I like what I hate... Er...uh... What?

No! Don't give me that "latent admiration" crap. No way would I admire the San Fransisco 49ers or Seattle Seahawks, let alone the Dallas Cowboys who are my most hated of adversaries. Call it Schadenfreude if you like. When my dorsal anterior cingulate cortex (D.A.C.C) and ventral striatum begin their chemical argument of pathos I change the channel, flip the switch or more than likely cover my ears and chant: "La-La-La" loud enough to make the neighbors think I'm practicing Christmas carols...

The teams I dislike have earned my antipathy. My reasons may be singular, held by me alone, or widely shared. Do I pity the fools who can't see why they should dislike a team that has earned my eternal aversion? Yup! Am I shocked that others can't feel the same about a team I admire? Yes! But I put it down to a failing in the educational system or a severe lack of pre-natal care before they were born and proof that expectant mothers shouldn't do Crack...

The Dallas Cowboys earned my wrath long ago. The time, the moment, when my dislike became cemented for all time is when they started calling themselves America's Team. HA! They are no more America's Team than brussel sprout ice cream is America's favorite dessert. Though I am a die hard St. Louis (L.A.) Rams fan, the only NFL teams that could lay claim to America's Team are teams like the Green Bay Packers or Chicago Bears. Teams with pedigrees from the beginning of professional football. Dallas is an expansion team. Apox on them I say! Sure, they've had a few players that have ruined my Sundays, but I'm pretty sure Staubach, Pearson, White, Aikman, Smith, Irvin and the rest of their evil hoards had something to do with the Anti-Christ... Think of all the games with Dallas the Rams could have won if they'd just watered the field with Holy Water before a game?

The San Fransico 49ers are another team that no doubt sold their souls at some demonic crossroads. They must have, because they won so many damn games and Super Bowls with players no one saw becoming Hall of Famers. Montana and Rice were Ram killers, so much so I'm surprised the Fish and Game department didn't arrest them for being over the bag limit. Their offensive lines were all midgets, yet they opened wholes in the line big enough to make Rodger Craig look like Jim Brown. Then there's Steve Young. He's a lawyer! If that doesn't imply some kind of demonic link... What about Bill Walsh? He's a veritable anarchist, trying to divide the country with his "West Coast" offense. Why isn't he in Guantanamo?

The Seattle Seahawks... Well they just bug me. They are the "No-See-ums" of the NFL. Don't believe me? Try and recall more than just a few names of their players on winning teams without using Google. I can only think of about ten names off the top of my head, Hasselbeck being chief among them. The Seahawks are that itch you can't scratch. They beat my Rams when they aren't supposed to win. Therefore, I dispise thee!

So what teams inspire your lust for their losing? Which teams make you lose your appetite and make your beer go flat? Give me your top three teams you love to hate and why? Let the Schadenfreude begin!