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TST career counselor: Michael Vick

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Wow. You can tell it's the offseason. This week, coinciding with Michael Vick's release from prison, I've seen no fewer than three utterly ridiculous "possible destinations for Vick" columns. If  this isn't a gross attempt to fill column inches... What's especially ironic about it is that this is the kind of stuff people slam blogs for. The Rams, working hard to rebuild their decimated franchise this offseason, even got linked to the Vick in John Clayton's Tuesday piece, tormenting already long-suffering Rams fans and prompting something of an emergency response from Bernie Miklasz at the Post-Dispatch. Miklasz, rather than opting to fill space with speculation, actually talked to sources with the Rams to confirm that the team had zero interest in PETA's most wanted man.

Not to be outdone by the boys at ESPN, Peter King jumped in with his five team Vick speculation yesterday. Sheesh. Still, the Vick stuff is far less tedious than Brett Favre.

What's our response here at TST? Why, our very own Michael Vick speculation list, of course! Here's our best guess at five landing spots for the former Falcon.

  1. UFL (United Football League) Touted as the place "where the future stars come to play," there's plenty of speculation that Vick could be headed to the UFL, where former Rams interim head coach Jim Haslett's now working.
  2. The Lawless Island from Mortal Kombat At least I think it was a lawless island... Changing his name to K-9, Vick would enter the ring with two magical pitbulls who attack when he uses his special finishing move. This destination could also be some form of the WWE.
  3. ESPN Most NFL teams will likely avoid Vick because of the media circus, but in TV land, that media circus would certainly mean higher ratings. In all seriousness, if Vick can make amends to the point where advertisers wouldn't back out, he could very well get a try out on some program.
  4. Teen Counselor Who better to talk to the youth of America about when and when not to use the finger, how to hide weed, and coping with STDs.
  5. Wide Receiver Alright, I'm giving three serious offerings here, because my dry, bitter brand of nihilistic humor doesn't translate well to the medium. Without a doubt Vick is a great athlete. I never thought he was much of an NFL quarterback, but with his talent you have to think he might find a role as a WR or even a part-time RB. He did run a 4.3 second 40 back in the day. Hell, with that kind of speed you even wonder a little about moving to CB or FS. Once the media frenzy finds another story to latch onto, Vick's return to the NFL wouldn't necessitate Brett Favre-like coverage.