FanPost

Time Machine?

After about a quarter of last night's game had elapsed, I finally figured out what had happened to my TV. Somehow, my TV had been transformed into a time machine, taking me back to the good ole' days of Scott Linehan, Jim Haslet, and yes everybody's favorite comedian--Steve Spagnolo. How many of us don't remember these classic sit-coms? But now I have a new comedy to watch---The Jeff Fisher Fiasco, starring the inept Brian Shottenheimer as an offensive (with the emphasis on offensive) dis-coordinator, Walton as his "doesn't have a clue" side-kick, and Mr. Fisher with his "I can't understand why this is happening to us, after all we did have great practices" attitude. He forgets that they were practicing against...... the Rams.....Talk about the blind leading the blind. Now I will preface this article by saying that I've been as big a Rams fan as any since 1973. So I would like what I'm seeing right now to be just a bad dream as well as any of us. But pretending this isn't a terrible team isn't going to change the reality that it is. So I'm trying to be objective, and just callin' them as I see them. Now in the time I've been following the Rams, I've seen some pretty bad football teams, not just from the Rams but in the NFL in general. And the eyeball test would suggest that this team is right there with any of them. I watched the whole painful game last night (no, I usually don't make a habit of masochistic behavior) and, with demonstrating great intestinal fortitude, managed only to vomit once. In a nutshell, this team @%#&$. Let's outline the many reasons. I will try to do this in paragraph form. There are so many, but I'll also try to keep it as condensed as possible for all of us that have a life other than following this moribund team and then posting about it. Shortly after the game starts we incur multiple special team penalties. Something that's been a problem since the exhibition season. Apparently penalties, and lack of any discipline in general are really not considered of any great importance to our illustrious coaching staff, since it never seems to be corrected. Of course this has always been emblematic of Fisher coached teams. Please, will you Bradford sympathizers just stop it already! You people have more excuses for this guy than a volleyball has fingerprints. He stinks! He still locks onto receivers, still holds the ball too long, still throws it into crowds/coverage, continues to make bad decisions on the field, short throws wide open receivers that could have scored a TD, etc. Uh oh, Here we go, I can hear it now---"he has no running game, he has no offensive line, he has rookie receivers, yada, yada yada. If you would just look past that brown spot of Bradford crap on the end of your nose you would realize that this guy is not one of the solutions, he is one of the MAJOR problems of this team! He just doesn't have the mentality to play in the NFL. Has the potential physical tools, but he'll NEVER be more than a mediocre NFL QB. Sam Bradford, Mark Bulger, what's the difference? And to make matters worse, as the announcers said last night, the Rams still believe they have their franchise QB?!? Which means this idiot organization will sign him to another contract after his current one expires. Unbelievable. Even my thirteen year old daughter recognized that this guy isn't very good. The offensive line couldn't block a jelly sandwich for a running play. Jake Long was a huge waste of $$$, as Dallas made him look like a turn stile last week, and he looked like a constipated gorilla, squatting and shuffling around before getting run over last night. Did Tavon Austin play last night? Oh yeah, that's right. He was losing yardage doing heaven knows what on the punt returns, and then of course he was the invisible man any time our offense was on the field. For somebody that was so hyped and chased before the draft, he has been quite the disappointment to this point. Some professional people were even saying he would be rookie offensive player of the year. Now it's not been entirely his fault, but we'll get to that later. I finally did see some balance on our team however. We are now just as pathetic defending against the run as we are against the pass. How in the world do you give up a TD on a 3rd and 19?? We made a struggling SF team (up to this game) look like the second coming of Rommel's panzers as they just "rolled" over us, wrecking everything in their way. Must be quite humiliating to be physically man-handled that way. I'm sure the Rams defense must have been thinking about that in their locker room......in their home stadium....after all the rah-rah speeches they made this week......while they were all sitting down to pee. We were dominated on both sides of the lines to be honest. I don't know what was worse--the offensive line or the defensive line. Now putting all the hyperbole and rhetoric aside, all you who think this is going to magically turn around and the Rams are going to learn and grow from this, I would like to have some of what you're smoking please. The coaches are not going to magically have an epiphany and miraculously change their philosophies or styles overnight. They are not going to say, "Oh, now I know what we're doing wrong" When you have idiots like Shottenheimer and his "3 yard passes and a cloud of dust offense" that wastes the talent we do have in Tavon Austin and Chris Givens, and Walton with his "Let's allow them to run the hell over us so they won't see how bad our pass defense is" philosophy. And Fisher, who hired these guys and enables their ineptitude by not doing anything to curtail it?! Now I have two theories that I'm thinking are possibly in effect here. One is that some witch doctor put a curse on the Rams franchise right before we suffered an improbable loss to the New England Patriots in 2001. Since then it seems that anybody who puts on a helmet with horns on it, or a coach's shirt with a Rams emblem on it, or even admits to being a fan of this team, automatically incurs a sort of paralysis that either makes you completely uncoordinated, feeble-minded, or a glutton for punishment (that would be me). My other theory is that Fisher is secretly trying to sabotage the Rams and destroy them as revenge for the 1999 Super Bowl victory over his Titans. By hiring a buffoon like Shottenheimer, and a completely inexperienced defensive coach like Walton, he has certainly started the process. Then the cherry on the top will be for him to convince management that Bradford is a real QB and we end up signing him to a 10 year contract, thereby assuring our futility for the next decade, all the while Fisher goes off to USC giggling all the way. Yes, maybe I'm a little irrational at this point. Suffering this long as a Rams fan does strange things to you. My only hope for this season now is that we battle Washington for the 1st pick in the upcoming draft. That way we can draft some more losers like Quick and Peed. Hey, maybe our astute coaching staff can also sign some more washed up players like Jake Long and Mike Giordano. I've now resigned myself to watching women's water polo on Sundays instead of this sorry-ass team, which BTW I have no doubt if they played football would give this current Rams roster a run for it's money.

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