FanPost

Rams talk to Johnny Manziel!

Brandon Wade

"I lied! But I lied...", because I care like Blanche Dubois, in a heavy Louisiana accent. I tried to pen a letter to each and every one of you boys on my golden threaded antique stationery. But it's summer, and I perspire when I'm anxious. I could not risk ruining my lovely ivory Southern Belle gown. I sincerely hope you won't find this post questionable enough to move to another forum! What will the moderators think? For they are the backbone of TST...

Pardon me. My throat is parched and I'm afraid I must indulge in yet another mint julep. I know some of y'all tilt toward Neanderthal, yet unless you live in a filthy cave - other than a man cave - you know all about my boy Johnny Manziel: Johnny Football - Texas Bad Boy. The first freshman Heisman Trophy winner, and Frat Boy Ass Clown...

Perhaps this link will catch you up with Johnny Football's latest escapades (as if you didn't know). Before you go and judge my sweet little Heisman, have any of you boys thought: Perhaps Johnny Manziel wants to get suspended? He wants to be punished.

Now I ask you, why would Johnny want this? I must know! And because I'm Southern Gothic heroine , I care deeply. An educated lady is courteous, and defers to her men, therefore my lips are sealed, and I will not impose my opinion upon you, . Although my opinion may not be as delusional as you might guess. No, you boys must think it through first. Only then will I share my true feelings. Truth be told I don't want to be that woman; who teaches you something you already know, far better than we. You know it backwards and forwards. You are far wiser than me. But I'm afraid my curiosity has got the better of me, please forgive my breech of etiquette, but does it bother you when your wife interrupts you, by heading your manly deep thoughts off at the pass, like a singing movie cowboy? Does it bother you when she informs you of those things you already knew, and very things you were just about to inform her of? Pardon me, if I was so slothful as to use prepositions at the end of sentences.

I know my mother taught me better than that, but I'm greatly distressed and suffering in my mind over Johnny. Without sounding presumptuous, I must tell you I have observed women are prone to pick up your most intimate thoughts, as if God himself beamed them into our heads. Unfortunately for you men, we women believe these thoughts originated with us. You boys know better, but you'll never convince us. How frustrating for you? But I digress...

Have you had enough time, Dear Sirs, to postulate why Johnny Manziel would ever want to be suspended for the rest of his young college career? Could my Johnny be this stupid? Since I'm a sensitive woman, I can't bare the thought! It sends me strait away to my handkerchief. Oh dear, a tear, and I've misplaced my gold embroidered silk handkerchief. Perhaps one of you gentlemen could lend a lady a tissue? Thank you. You are a scholar and a gentleman! But so is my Johnny! And I must believe that Johnny is far too intelligent and highly educated to blunder into such an obvious NCCA autograph trap! I have no choice, but to believe that Johnny Maniel - being a Texas boy, bred through and through - stepped into their devious trap on purpose. Johnny outsmarted them, can't you see? And I'm sure you can, because you Rams Buzz gentlemen are educated, intelligent, and as wise as Johnny Football. Wise as a dove and slick as a snake in grass! And being a Lady of Southern descent, I often think of snakes, and when I do I think of my first crush. A Snakeman who will forever be intertwined in my mind as the mirror image mold of my Johnny Manziel. In much the same way 50 years old is the new 30, Johnny Manziel is the new Kenny Stabler! Womanizing, drinking, controversial, smirking, scrambling, winning, frustrating - a good time Charlie, (Johnny Be Goode...Not this Johnny!)

One of these things doesn't belong- One of these things is not like the other, One of these things gives a clue, To what Enabling Ewe wants to say to you... Johnny Manziel...Marcus Lattimore... Javedon Clowney -Would you help a Lady out. I'm a Texas A&M fan. Why would Johnny jeopardize his young college career? Sigh... He only has one Heisman! I'm so distraught! I've always depended on the kindness of strangers. Who can I turn to, if I can turn to you wise men to help me out in my time of need. Don't fail me, I let my hair down in front of you like Rapunzel, in my time of duress and great distress! Please help me understand my wayward Johnny Come Lately? Why did he do it?

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