Well, let's start with the qualifications, shall we?
Updating TonySoftli.com with "Unique Football Content" (i.e. copy and pasting press releases like this)
releases like this) Wait, like that? Like what I just did? I don't think I understand the rules
Tweeting for him (understanding of capital letters and punctuation not required)
Required or not, I gots all kinds punksuasian skillz. End me learned grammer from the most best learning ladies around.
Making sure people know that @TonySoftli is the real McCoy, not the impostor @SoftliSTL
If you can't tell the man, the myth and the
mustache legend from any old impersonator then I don't see why you deserve to follow such excellence as Softli to begin with.
Dammit Tony, this is where I draw the line!
Assist with free agent stakeouts at Rams Park
Love me a good old fashioned slumber party and while we're there we can work on the next requirement.
Taking photos of Softli designed to look like selfies
Easiest one on the list. The camera loves you Tony. A six year old and an ipod with no picture taking capabilities could make you the digital Mona Lisa.
Finding new and interesting hashtags
Speaking of selfies, familiar with #nofilter? Try #filteredSoftli
Warding off unwanted advances from The Fast Lane crew (@101ESPNFastLane)
I've spent my whole life warding off Bigfoot, the Yeti, El Chupacabra and Ewoks. Ever met any of them? No. And you'll never have to worry about The Fast Lane crew ever again either.
Other duties as assigned
I've waited my whole life for this opportunity, there isn't a duty in the world that I won't complete for a chance to work along side a visionary such as yourself.