WARNING: I SAY A LOT OF BAD WORDS!
Let me just say, I'm not bitching about the Rams getting enough coverage. I mean, some coverage would be nice but lets talk about the real problem. Around 70% (rough estimate) of the league's teams are completely ignored by the NFL Network and ESPN. With shows like "NFL 32" or NFL Network's current "Training Camp Live" ,both of which promise to touch base with every single franchise, it's sad how many teams are completely ignored by the media. I mean, "Training Camp Live" is nine hours long. NINE FUCKING HOURS! But, let's just run down the teams that are talked about ad nauseum. Redskins (RG3), Pats, Broncos, Eagles (Chip Kelly), 49ers, Seahawks, Cowboys (wait for it), and the Jets (gonna get to you guys too). Then there are teams that get moderate to some coverage like the Colts, Ravens, and the Pack. I can understand why some teams such as the Niners, Seahawks, Pats, Broncos and Skins get talked about, even though all Skins talk revolves around RG3. I seriously doubt some one like Trey Wingo could name 4 starters on that Redskin defense without one of his producers slipping him a note. Now, what the fuck is the fascination with the Eagles, Cowboys, and JETS!
We apparently need to talk about this guy until we're blue in the face.
I get it. Kelly was a pretty fuckin good college coach and his "amazing" system is something of debate when it comes to how it will translate to the NFL, but can we stop talking about it? How about we wait to see it in a game? Then you can have your half-hour long segments about Chip's coaching ability. He's an evil genius! He'll never cut it in the NFL! He will revolutionize the game! He'll be a dud of a coach! He uses Nerf footballs in practice! Genius! He uses Nerf footballs in practice? He's crazy! BLAH BLAH BLAH! I will say the Eagles aren't talked about as much as the others I'm going to tackle in this but for fuck's sake! Can we shut up about Chip's "system"? I honestly don't hate the Eagles but I don't care about Chip Kelly's system that much.
Then there's these guys.
If I hear one more Tony Romo "cultch" debate, I am literally going to die. Well, maybe not, but it's ridiculous. Then, not only do we have to hear about Romo's failures as a QB, we have to hear about Jerry Jones' failures as an Owner, GM, and as a human being. Jerry built a giant fuckin stadium that holds a shit ton of people and has a huge T.V. in it. OK, that's nice. They can't seem to beat the Giants in it, but whatever. Then, Jerry can't draft for shit. He admits that he would fire the GM of his team if he could and then goes on the keep his GM position. Then he has a glasses cleaner. Who fucking cares, honestly? If Jerry has some asshole clean his glasses and he calls that guy Jason Garrett, then who gives a fuck. Also, who gives a fuck about his team? They're a mediocre team. There. That's it. I don't care that they're "America's Team". If that were true then they would be playing in January more often. You know a team that's more interesting than them? The Texans. The Texans have a pretty good chance to be the AFC superbowl representative this year and they have the league's best defensive player on their team. The only time they tend to get in the news is when Foster is being a "weird" vegan or Watt is jumping very high. Let's not talk about them or their playoff chances, lets talk about a team that's probably the third best in it's division. Fuck it.
What the fuck is that?
He's just sitting on the ground and holding his arms up? What the fuck? So we all like RG3? Right? You know what, he can be fun to watch. Sure most of his passes are short and he gets a lot of yards due to YAC but whatever, he can run. I remember though, an Adam Rank article on NFL.com that talked about every team's best and worst draft moves. On the Rams, as one of the worst moves, he had the Rams trading away RG3. Well, the 2nd overall pick that turned into RG3 but whatever. I didn't mind him saying that, after all, I can understand the criticism of the move. I don't agree with that criticism, but I get it. Adam then went on to say that it was a huge mistake because the Rams "Traded away the most electrifying player in NFL HISTORY!" Um... What? Did Robert become The Rock or some shit? Is he the People's Champ now? Fun to watch? Yes. But... WHAT? He concluded this after one year. ONE FUCKIN YEAR? How much can you hype one player? When I think of the most entertaining and electrifying players of all time, I think of Barry Sanders, Mike Vick, Steve McNair, Devin Hester, Marshall Faulk, or, a man I had the pleasure of watching for many years, Brett Favre. Say what you will about Favre but he, in my mind, is the most entertaining player in NFL history. He had amazing moments and soul crushing moments but he was a player that EVERYBODY had to watch. Even people who hated him had to see him play. Now, lets say you disagree with everything I said about Favre, you have to admit that I have TONS of moments that I could pick out of a hat to try and prove my point. Favre was entertaining us for years. RG3 has been in the league for one year. How many moments does he have compared to Favre or even Mike Vick or Randall Cunningham? To say he is the most electrifying player to ever touch a football field is fucking insane. He may have to ability to be, but right now? Not even fucking close. Then we have to talk about his knee injury, and his endorsements, and coming soon... Rumors about his dick pictures that he may have sent to a chick that wasn't his wife! So maybe him and Brett have more in common than we think.
Let's kill two diseased birds with one stone. First off, fuck Tim Tebow. Fuck his media attention and fuck his inability to throw a god damn football. Fuck it. Why the Jets took him, I do not know. They're fucking stupid (more on them soon). Then Belichick and the Pats get a free pass when they get him. "No one dare criticize Belichick and the Pats, they know more than we ever will!" If anybody else took him, they would be called idiots but since the Patriots do it, they suddenly look like geniuses without actually doing anything. "If anyone can fix him, It's Bill!" Fuck off. "The Pats obviously have a plan for him!" Well the Jets did too and they didn't do shit. You know, I remember back when no one was interested in Tebow for a while and ESPN admitted they went overboard with the Tebow coverage. Then he gets signed by the pats and... THEY GO THE FUCK OVERBOARD AGAIN! Then, NFL.com has like, five front page articles about it within the hour. FUCK OFF! Seriously, fuck off. "OH! OH! HE'S ALL CHRISTIAN AND SHIT!" So are most players in the NFL, the only difference is they don't whore it out for attention. "Oh Tebow doesn't want the media attention! It's the media's fault." The celebrating, the on field praying, the easter mass... He wants some of this. Tebow isn't a complete victim in all the media attention. Also, the media is to blame for all the over analysis of all the teams and players I have talked about. Then ESPN and NFL Network talk about "What to expect from Tebow this season". Let me fuckin tell ya right now. Jack and Shit. In the grand scheme of the Patriots offense he will have little to no impact. He might not even make the roster so you know what? Fuck him. He's a backup QB and should be talked about as a backup QB. If you talk about Tebow, then you have to talk about other backup QBs like Shaun Hill and Pat Devlin. Those are the fuckin rules.
Now lets talk about the Jets, even though I've heard enough about them. How can such a boring, uninteresting, boring, unexciting, boring, and terrible team get so much media coverage? How? How the fuck did we let this happen? Well, they play in New York so that's a large market. A large market of the saddest loud mouths who wish they could root for the Giants, but a large market nonetheless. Then, add a brash coach with weight and foot fetish issues. Have commentators talk about how old school he is. How he loves "smash-mouth football" and "hard-nosed defense". Then, add in a terrible QB that every Jet fan, and anybody who likes watching decent QB play, hates. Then just turn it into a cluster fuck of incompetence and embarrassing moments and there you go. Now lets cover their every moment while playing a comedic tuba. The team is a fucking joke and a tired one at that. So instead of talking about good or even decent teams, we talk about the Jets. Why not talk about the Titans? I'm pretty sure no one knows they even exist anymore. Just a little segment where Rich Eisen comes on the screen and informs us that, yes, the Titans are still in the NFL. That would be nice.
Anyway, go ahead and tell me what you think in the comments or whatever.