Training camp gets in full swing next week for the St. Louis Rams. FINALLY. Of course, the return of Rams football, even in practice form, also heralds the return of something else: Tony Softli and his fabulous, insider-based Twitter account.
On Wednesday, sources said that Softli was pretty stoked for training camp himself. So much so, that he tweeted this ...
Really, nothing says "football is almost here and I couldn't be more excited" than a selfie on the sidelines in tropical pajamas and a pink Gatorade towel over your head.
Softli has access and could tweeting out cool pictures of the players or other interesting stuff behind the scenes at a game that the rest of the world doesn't get to see. Instead, he went with this.
BONUS SOFTLI UNIQUE FOOTBALL CONTENT!
Pro Sports Cone of Silence in Effect http://t.co/hl6o068SJg— Tony Softli (@SoftliSTL) July 17, 2013
What exactly is the "Cone of Silence," you ask? Duh, it's the day after the MLB All-Star game when there isn't shit happening in the sports world.
In true "insider" fashion, Softli's words pop right off the page.
After the American League toppled its competition from the National League and until Friday, though, the "Professional Sports Cone of Silence" takes hold. As in a major storm, the temperature drops and dark clouds roll in. It is a very quiet time for several days, and then boom!
That's not sports writing, folks, that's sports prose.
And it gets better, once he transitions to the real subject of his hot sports take: training camp.
For the hardcore NFL fans, armchair quarterbacks, gamblers, ladies who love and know the game better than their significant others, analysts and media, the anticipation for the start of the preseason, Hall of Fame Game and, of course, the regular campaign can be staggering.
It's not just a relief to have football back in the swing of things, it's STAGGERING. People, you have to use strong, multi-syllable words when you're talking about the preseason and the annual Hall of Fame Game, when third stringers pay tribute to the game's greats.
But it's just fans and insiders and radio deejays who are excited about football's return. The players dig it too.
Even the players are eager to get started, watching both the rookies and veterans unload their vehicles of pillows, blankets, luggage. Some carry flat screens. Many of them will move in stereos and their favorite video console of choice (Xbox, Wii or PlayStation) while checking into their college dorm rooms or hotels.
The only thing more exciting than preseason football is watching players unload a long list of personal items, which our insider thankfully treats with excruciating detail. The Wii is still a thing!?
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE COMING STORM? I'M FRIGHTENED?!?!
The storm is nearly here. The excitement it brings can be felt in all 32 NFL organizations, their cities and fans the world over.
At least when the Cone of Silence is lifted, and soon.
Listen, give the guy some props here. This is literary criticism and textual analysis at its Foucaultian finest. Approaching storms are a timeless literary trope for danger, this shitty part of the hero's journey. Softli turns tropes on their heads, y'all, making the storm in this case a good thing.
The eggheads that run America's lit journals turn a blind eye to radio station websites. Their loss. The world is missing some truly great, truly UNIQUE FOOTBALL CONTENT.
And while we've got your attention, everyone tweet at the real @TonySoftli to get him fired up for camp.