Calmly Accessing Tim Tebow as a St. Louis Ram...

"What was I supposed to remember? Oh yeah! Don't run into the butt... Don't run into the butt..." - USA TODAY Sports

The thing to do when analyzing whether Tim Tebow would be a good fit for the St. Louis Rams, is to find people of keen insight. Then you ask the hard questions - while speaking slowly because "keen" doesn't necessarily mean quick for people like Brandon. On the other hand, I use my vast NFL knowledge, and large amounts of sedatives when the name TIM TEBOW comes up...

... Using one of the many "random Tebow question generators" scattered around the interweb-verse, the following queries were posed for Brandon (DC) and I to answer. We decided to channel the mercurial thoughts of Cris Collingsworth and Skip Bayless when we answered the questions too, which means what you're about to read will have a slight schizoid tinge to it... By that I mean "normal" for DC and I... Enjoy!

Rumors are flying around that the St. Louis Rams are interested in Tim Tebow one minute, then they aren't the next. What's really going on?

DC - It's your typical cat-and-mouse situation. The Rams showed interest last year, so Tebow knows he's got the upper hand in this courtship. But just when you thought the possibility of Tebow in horns was a foregone conclusion, Les Snead picks up the phone, and rekindles the 'ol flame. You can bet he saw the rain run! The next thing you know, Florio is reporting that the Seahawks are awesome and that the Rams are interested in Tim Tebow Now, we wait patiently. We wait, because the ball is back in mouse's court....little do we know that prior to hanging up, Les Snead wooshed his hair into the phone rendering Tebow speechless. Your move, Timmy.

DouglasM - Really? REALLY? Give me a second... Whew! That was close! I almost threw up my Cheetos... You're kidding, right? This is the same Tebow, who's arm looks like he's beating the air with a tree branch when he throws a pass? You can't be talking about Tim Tebow, right? You are? You'll have to excuse me for a second, and you officially owe me a new bag of Cheetos...

Let's examine the off chance the Rams actually sign Tebow. What does he bring to the team?

DC - What doesn't he bring? Character. The ability to pick up a team up out of the gutter and take them the playoffs. Passion. Power. Athleticism. A never-say-never attitude. Media attention. Jokes. Heaven-points. Cuddly kittens. Jump-passes from the goal line. An incomparable ability to hold clipboards. Salty tears of emotion. Fumbleless-butt runs too.

DouglasM - "Let's see... We have a guy who we draft in the 5th round last year, and the only thing we know thus far is he can guard is a bowl of doughnuts. Then we have no safeties, so the Rams' pass defense is looking great. We have a guy named I. Pead... I'm not even going to go into that one. Now you want Tim Tebow? Hmm...? Did Tony Softli replace Les Snead and I didn't get the memo? Look, Tim Tebow will go down in college football history as one of the best players ever. He'll also go down - and I'm mean crashing down - in NFL history as one of the few quarterbacks to win throwing for 17 yards in a game, and not just in one game either. His receivers in Denver were about to file a restraint of trade lawsuit against him half way through the 2011 season. Denver designed an offense for him called, "Don't you dare throw the ball", and was credited for being a "winner". Then he was traded to the New York Jets, and he couldn't beat out Mark "Why is that Butt chasing me?" Sanchez. What was the question? Oh yeah, what he would bring to the Rams is St. Louis fans offering to fund a new stadium - IN L.A.

Run/Option quarterbacks are a current rage in the NFL. How does Tebow compare to guys like RGIII, Russell Wilson and Cam Newton?

DC - What comparison? It was Tebow who created/perfected it, and then came the footstep-followers. Tebow blazed the trail, folks. And I don't mean 'blazed it' like fellow Florida Gator teammate Janoris Jenkins. Close your eyes and picture this: Tebow takes the snap...he escapes a would-be tackler....he heads towards the sideline.... and as the play breaks down finds himself with one lone option...he runs. In this case, the option to toss/lateral/pass is squandered by a complete inability to accurately throw. The question you should ask yourself is "Would the Rams be better off tossing out to Isaiah Pead?" Then ask yourself WWTD...."What Would Tebow Do?" Now, take a look in the mirror.

DouglasM - The only thing Tebow has on RGIII, Newton and Russell is thigh size, and a "gosh darn gee-willikers, I love you man" attitude... So he'd be a great team mascot...

If the Rams were to trade for Tebow, what kind of compensation would you be willing to give up (players, draft picks, ect...) to secure him for the Rams in 2013?

DC - I could imagine two situations in which the Rams could a package a deal to acquire Tebow. The First: The Rams put together a package that includes this year's 7th and 11th round selections. This is an offer that even the Jets cannot resist. The Second: The Rams trade him straight up for a re-acquired for the day Justin King....throwing in Craig Dahl's old locker, if necessary.

DouglasM - If the Rams give more than an old shoe, a Pentium 128 processor and a Pet Rock for him, they're getting robbed.

How would Sam Bradford handle having Tebow on the team?

DC - He's going to be a bit squeamish at first. QB's who have lead their team to within two games of the Super Bowl tend to be intimidating. Tebow has been to the big Divisional game, which is the dream of every rookie QB who's guaranteed $50 million. This kind of experience cannot be replicated with the simple ownership of a stolen Heisman trophy. Tim shalt forgive him for stealing a bit of the limelight. Fret not, Rams Samuel Bradford. He'll pay the whole tab after ordering two "Moon Over My Hammy's" at a nearby Denny's.

DouglasM - Sam Bradford would LOVE to have Tebow on the team. If he ever wanted job security in the NFL, all he'd have to do is be able to point at Tebow on the practice field when a coach starts chewing him out for a missed pass. The coach will begin to sweat profusely, and his hands will begin to shake before he simply nods and walks away.

Describe the Rams offense with Tim Tebow starting at quarterback?

DC - Dimensional. His ability to motivate and inspire the players around him is unquestionable. You can expect to see a fired up leader, ready and willing to lead his team into battle against the fiercest of rivals. You should also expect to see no-receiver sets.

DouglasM - Describe the offense? How about I describe what fans will be saying in the stands instead? It would sound something like, "Oh my God, oh my God, no, no, no..." or "Is a pass supposed to look like a wobbling blender as it goes through the air?" Then of course there will be the kids crying. Lots of crying... and LOTS of drinking, did I mention that?

Finally, give me your votes on whether the Rams should make a move to get Tim Tebow, and why?

DC - I would say "yes." Tim has proven that he's capable of righting the ship when the start to a promising season goes awry. His spirit, whether on the field [or mostly on the sidelines] can be seen in the results. He's taken a team to the postseason, and he's lead them to victory. He oftentimes doesn't get enough credit for his ability to hit a receiver in stride, though he finished the season as one of the NFL's most accurate last season [75%]...slightly behind Johnny Hekker and another punter. Plus, when it rains, is this what you want to see?

DouglasM - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Look, I know 3k and Ryan want him - I get it. Inspirational guys like to stick together, not to mention the article fodder for TST. 3k has like 10 Tebow posters on his walls too, right next to posters of "Eddie Lacy in 2013". But I'm not sure I could take having Tebow as a St. Louis Ram. If they were to sign him, I can see a future with lots of "man tears" on my pillow.

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