2013 NFL Mock Draft: The Shrewd and the Lewd

Kim Klement-US PRESSWIRE

NFL Network's Daniel Jeremiah, former scout for the Eagles, Browns, and Ravens, offered an updated mock draft. But it's the insanity of another from a less established source that has 3k laughing.

I love mock drafts. Heck, I even like putting together mock drafts (hint, hint...stay tuned next week, kids). But sometimes, you lose sight of the intent that brought this burgeoning corner of pop culture to life.

It helps keep the integrity of the mock in place when people like Daniel Jeremiah are providing their mocks to the masses. The former Appalachian State QB had stints as a scout for the Ravens, Browns and, most recently, the Eagles. Today, he updated his mid-January offering with a fresh 1-round mock at NFL.com.

The mock starts off with an unusual trio of Geno Smith, Jarvis Jones and....Sharrif Floyd in the top 3. Already, he had my attention.

Popular Rams targets exited throughout the first half -- Eric Fisher to the Cardinals at 7, Cordarrelle Patterson, Chance Warmack, Lane Johnson and Kenny Vaccaro in consecutive picks starting at 9. Still, it was a familiar name at 16:

16. Jonathan Cooper: G, UNC

The Rams need to upgrade their offensive line and Cooper is an outstanding talent who would start from Day 1. There are some teams that have him rated as one of the top 10 players in this draft. He has the ability to play any of the three interior positions.

Unlike Mel Kiper's mock from yesterday's (but much like Todd McShay's), the 17-21 picks likely leave the board in place for the Rams at 22. Get your popcorn ready:

22. Menelik Watson: OT, Florida St.

Watson is the offensive version of Ezekiel Ansah. He is very raw, but his upside is sky high. He lacks the size of Alabama's D.J. Fluker, but he is much quicker and projects as a better pass protector at the next level.

A double up on the offensive line? Someone knows my style! Still, it's hard to buy into, especially with Keenan Allen on the board.

(P.S. Should the Rams take Watson, I call dibs on the "Menelik ah High, Mick A Heiny, Ho" sign...if someone could just tell me how to spell it)

But hey, we know Jeremiah's doing his work and, with his experience on NFL franchise payrolls, is doing his due diligence...but me personally, I enjoy it when someone doesn't. Cue Seth Carson of FootballNation!

No, I had never heard of Mr. Carson until this afternoon. Let's check in on his bio:

Hello, I am Seth Carson, been writing about sports since I was five years old and the habit never stopped, you could call it an addiction, I dont mind.

I was worried that sentence was never going to stop. Jeez.

...like many others I'm apart of the dream to make a living from sports journalism and authoring.

I would suggest that if you want to make a living from said enterprises, it would make more sense to be a part of them than to be apart from them. We all have our own strategies.

So be it. Mr. Carson authored up a hot and spicy mock draft slideshow! Sure, I'm as skeptical as the next guy as to someone's motives when putting their work into slideshow form, but who knows. Maybe this is a hidden genius, a sportswriter who from the young age of five has hopscotched through the odiose products of disillusionment and self-aggrandizement to dig into the Rams' needs, strategy and approach. What sayeth he at 16 for this historic clan?

16. Ezekiel Ansah: DE, BYU

Wait, what?

The Rams need help all over and added Titus Young prior to the draft. They now move to their next biggest need which is a DE and find a solid pick with Ezekiel Ansah.

The Rams' biggest need is a DE? The Rams' starting pair of Chris Long and Robert Quinn notched 22 sacks, freeing up teammates in the process to help the team to share the league's top sack total with Denver. I'm confused why adding a DE as raw as Ziggy Ansah to a defense that proved it could get to the QB makes sense with the top pick the Rams have in this draft.

But hey, maybe it's a one off. Let's give him another chance, guys! Come on Seth! Mock us to the promiseland! You and you alone have the...

22. Sam Montgomery: DE, LSU

HOLY ASSCHAPS WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

The Rams add another key defender with their second pick in the 1st round.

That's some, um, terse analysis. Pretty sure that Mr. Carson had just finished mocking Kevin Minter to Cincy at 21 when he felt the pangs of his digestive system making itself known.

Next time, sir, go to the bathroom, relax, and then come back and mock when you're of sound mind.

Otherwise, like your toilet, we end up dealing with your crap.

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