Disclaimer: This is a new Onion-like series of articles I plan on writing. These are in no way factual, and should be read as such.
Sam Bradford Enters Hot Dog Eating Contest, Finishes Middle Of The Pack
MARISSA, IL - Rams quarterback Sam Bradford took part in a charity hot dog eating contest this weekend. Bradford was the most anticipated eater of the 30 person field. After the five minute hot dog mad dash, Bradford finished with finishing a pedestrian 11 dogs, good enough for 15th place. Event organizer, Rod Simmons, thought that Bradford would have a better showing. "He showed up with so much promise, so much potential. I mean, look at him. He passes the eyeball test for sure. I was positive that he’d at least be one of the top 10 guys in the contest." Simmons thinks that next year’s contest will largely determine the long-term success of Bradford on the local competitive eating circuit. "Typically, at his age, you know what you’ve got. Maybe you’ll see a small increase here and there, but by and large, he is what he is. Frankly, I don’t think he’ll ever be the eater that we thought he’d be."
Other fans think that Bradford, with another year of training in the right system, more adequate coaching, and a better quality of weiner will be able to thrive. "He’s on his way. We just need to get him more comfortable at the table, that’s all. If he could focus on just sliding the dogs down his throat, he’d be an all-pro level eater. I mean, it’s not his fault. His support group needs to do a better job of giving him the tools to thrive," said local Bradford die-hard Joseph Stratton, Jr.
While Bradford may never enter the Joey Chestnutt tier, he certainly won’t be rememberd as Lardass Hogan, either. The end may be somewhere in the middle of the two, which may not be as bad as some fans hope.
This wasn’t the first disappointing showing for Bradford in recent competitions. Bradford placed fourth of eight in the recent Wildwood Pinewood Derby. He also took 33rd place in the 2013 Oreo stacking contest held at the Waterloo, IL Wal-Mart.