Hey, great news for sky-is-falling Ram fans. Reemco has just announced the new 'End It All' line of suicide kits on sale now for a sampling of teams. Lucky for those of my Ram brothers who insist we're all gonna die a terrible football death, now you can avoid the pain of the season and just get down to ending it all right away.

How does it work? Reemco has made it all very simple. You simply unwrap the single mini-football-shaped suppository, stick it up your butt, and just before kickoff time, a secret radio signal will detonate a quarter-size charge of C4 in your wimpering behind. BOOM!

Guaranteed to tune your attitude lickitty-split.

Thank you Reemco.

(this is sarcasm, my Ram brothers...not meant to offend or anger anybody)