Let's talk about game day rituals, specifically how you get yourself ready to watch the St. Louis Rams play football each week.

Me, I like to wake up, walk outside in the buff and wrassel a wolf, skin him and then take the carcass and whatever dead animal he was feasting on back to my cave. From there, I flip on the big screen television for some hot pregame action ... on Fox, of course.

Those Fox network guys are KRAZY, you guys. They do all kinds of funny stuff! The only thing I don't like about it is how cerebral Terry Bradshaw is. It's like, shit man, I'm hear chewing on wolf liver just wanting to enjoy some football stuff, but this Bradshaw cat has to get all like Harvard and shit on me.

Jimmy Johnson's the brain guy, and he feeds me Xs and Os I can understand ... just don't try his boner pills because they don't work.

Thank Zog that the one guy with the square head and a the other guy with a missing tooth in the front are there to lighten things up a little bit.

Also, I'm not happy about them letting Frank Caliendo get away to another network. He was comedy gold. Now where am I going to see timely George Bush and Robert DeNiro impressions? Total crap, you guys.

Anyway, I'm not eligible to win this fancy television, man cave makeover because I already live in a cave and wear fur underwear. You can win it though, and I hope you do ... just promise you'll join my campaign to bring back Frank Caliendo.

Enter the Smart TV Makeover sweepstakes here.