Turf Show Times: Ramdude's RAMblins 10/6

Yo dudes! Good to see you again. Specially after a HUGE Rams WIN Thirsty night!!! Can I get a whup, whup??

Ah, vacation: "Excuse me, senor?
May I speak to you please?
I asked for a mai tai, and they brought me a pina colada."

I had to go away for a little while. And NO, I didn't go to Federal POUND ME IN THE BEE-HIND prison. Like Samir of Office Space, I don't want to go to ANY prison! My youngest daughter graduated from college, and her grad present, per Mrs. ramdude, was a ka-ruse. Mrs. rd told me to grab my swim trunks and git on that boat, so I did without delay. (Swim trunks? - We going on the Titanic?)

I elected to stay on the boat Sunday, Sept. 23 instead of going ashore at Half Moon Cay. My goal was to park myself in the ship's little "sports bar" and try to watch us stick it to Da Bearssss the way Green Bay had done the previous week. I mean, Jay Cutler - how hard could this be?

So I kiss the fam goodbye and show up all representin in my Bradford jersey. Well, the 12 or so TVs were on but nobody was manning the all important bar, even though some bars were open at other places on the ship. Nobody running the quaint little casino next door either since we were in port. Upon closer investigation, I noticed that even with a whole passel of TVs available, only 2 things were being shown on all of them - golf and the Dallas/Tampa game. To add insult to injury, the only sound you could hear was the golf game - ON NFL FOOTBALL SUNDAY IN A "SPORTS BAR"!!!!! (AND I DON'T MEAN FIFA FOOTBALL SUNDAY - THIS IS AMERICA GD IT!!!!) Where's a freakin' terrorist when you need one? Sorry, sorry ;-)

I decided to make the best of it and pulled up a chair in front of one of the TVs in the casino where I could control the channel and sound. Channels with FBall were limited, but I kept it on FOX (Boys-n-Bucs) to have the best chance of glimpsing the Rams game. I was later joined by an NFC East mixed marriage couple - she's Dallas (won), he's Washington (lost). A few other soon to be disappointed Jets and Steelers fans wandered thru - boat left out of NYC.

Finally, a crew member with a smile, a name tag full of consonants and a limited understanding of "da English" came by and was flagged down by desperate Jets fans in need of their TEBOW fix. He promised to go get somebody to do something. It took 4 or 5 smart people to figure out the satellite TV controls. But they were able to get the Jets game on, and the golf sound OFF - praise Jesse. Unfortunately, Rams game was not available for my trouble, so I went back to my personal TV with the WashBoys couple. Other than a few score updates, I saw very few snippets of our game; so never got to see how we did so badly. (Watching the Bears D dismantle Dallas Monday night explained a lot.)

Hmmm, maybe I could have seen our game if I had been at a white-collar resort prison with the conjugal visits.

Confessions of a First Time FF Manager

I'm a bad man! Very, very bad!

First of all, I blame Douglas. I'm sure we all do for one thing or another (right DC?). He's the one who made me try FF for the first time in spite of my better judgement. The fact that I have really enjoyed it is completely beside the point.

The problem is that the power has gone to my head. I have become, in the words of Seinfeld's Babu Bhatt, a very bad man.

It started simply enough. Made it through the draft with no problems. But once I had "my guys," the feva began to take over.

My first victim was Peyton Hillis after the first game. I called him into my office and made him sit in "the low chair." Then I poured us two whiskeys and drank em both. After a pause I said, "Son, I think your skill set is better suited to NFL Europe - maybe that kraut team." He said, "But sir, that's been dead since 2007." I returned, "Yeah, I know. You still here? Sorry, we no longer validate parking for non-team members."

Only a matter of time
til I'm worse than Jerry Jones!!!!

Just this week, I picked up Brent Celek from waivers and dumped him the same day for Domenik Hixon. I probably shouldn't have made him take the 2-day bus ride in, but I'm sure he can thumb a ride home. He's a big boy. I'll allow him some water before kicking him to the curb.

In the mean time, I've fired ball boys for being too young, equipment managers for being too old - and we don't even have equipment - and coaches for not letting me take all the credit for wins. I didn't have any past stars' posters to take down from the field house, so I removed all portraits of Aunt Bertha, Uncle Brother and the Greatest Family on Earth from the walls.

Doug can tell you that I'm not much of a trader. Someone besides me getting satisfaction from a transaction causes me physical agony. But I'm working thru it. After I build me a stadium to watch games in that is taller than two Statue of Liberty's, I think I'll be OK. In the mean time, got my eye on TO and Plexiko.

Snoot Sandwiches?????

I'm not always going to do food stuff, but here's something I just became aware of. Now, I've only been to St. Louis twice (not in football season), and I even gave the EJD a kiss; but I've never heard of a Snoot Sandwich being a StLou delicacy. Adrian Miller, a culinary historian, (la-tee-dah) claims this to be so. Is this true? I'm not judgin, just curious.

BTW, in my neck-o-the woods, this would be a Snout Sandwich. And snooting is something you do through a snout. Just sayin.

Nuclear Beer

This is important! Back when they was "blowin up the big bombs" back at Nevada Test Site, they tested beer to see if it would be affected by radiation. Here's a report from the American Nuclear Society. It has to be true because nerds don't lie:

In case of atomic bomb, beer still OK

Science historian Alex Wellerstein recently wrote of a series of nuclear weapons tests conducted in 1955 at the Nevada Test Site, known as Operation Teapot. Among the important civil defense questions explored at the time was: What will the survivors drink after a nuclear apocalypse? There was only one way to find out, at least according to the Atomic Energy Commission (AEC) of the day: Detonate an atomic bomb near some bottles and cans of soda and beer and then examine the evidence.

The results, it turns out, are quite reassuring. Many bottles and cans survived the nuclear blast, even those only a quarter mile away. Further, only those closest to Ground Zero registered radioactivity—but these readings were ”well within the permissible limits for emergency use,” according to the AEC.

Nearly as important: “Immediate taste tests indicated that the beverages, both beer and soft drinks, were still of commercial quality.” (Immediate taste tests?)

Unfortunately, the flavor of the beers very close to Ground Zero was “definitely off,” the AEC concluded. Nonetheless, the ANS Nuclear Cafe concurs that it may be advisable, for readers who are so inclined, to keep a six-pack or two in one’s basement, as part of any sensible emergency preparedness program.

Matt Birk's Favorite Musical??

Self-explanatory if you read this.

Did you know Friday was World Smile Day?

I didn't even though I've been smiling ever since Thursday night - can't seem to wipe it off my face.

Here's hoping we're still throwin smiles after a long rest and the Miami game next Sunday. Have a great weekend!

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