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Christmas wish list for 2012 Rams Organization - humor in somber times

After reviewing our current organization and roster, I'd propose trying to get the below guys to play for us. Rumor has it most of them are happy to help out the poor and unfortunate in tough times. And who is more needy than the Rams right now? Most of these guys work for free too, so there's no CAP issues. Merry Christmas!

Offense LT = Incredible Hulk (mightiest mortal on earth). LG = The Thing (about half as strong as the Hulk, maybe). C = The Beast (Big X-men with huge hands for perfect snaps). RG = Giant Man/Goliath (name says it all). RT = Thor (Asgardian immortal that fought Hulk to a standstill. The refs might give him grief over the hammer though). #1 WR = Superman (super speed and strength plus invulnerable unlike Alexander). #2 WR = The Flash (fastest man alive). TE = Green Lantern (powerful and can fly). QB = Capt America (man can he sling that shield, so a fb should be cake). RB = Steven Jackson (Yes, he's super human too). Kicker = pick 'em, Superman, Hulk, Thing, etc. could all handle it. Punter = position not needed. Defense LDE = Collosus (rock solid X-men). LDT = Submariner (almost as strong as the Hulk, just needs to keep hydrated). RDT = The Rhino (brutal rusher). LDE = The Sandman (hard as concrete). MLB = JL (he's also super human). OLB = Wolverine (meanest of all super heroes). OLB = Iron Man (hard to run over a guy in body armor with repulsor rays). CB = The Human Torch (won't get burned easily). CB = The Amazing Spider-Man (can stick to anything or anyone). SS = Mr. Fantastic (can't get way from him and he can stretch to intercept any pass that was attempted to be thrown away). FS = Batman (never needed super powers to defeat anyone). GM = Lex Luthor (smartest man on earth). HC = Col Nick Fury (tougher than Lombardi). OC = Sgt Rock (never retreated). DC = Doctor Doom (Always destroying everything with his brilliant plans).
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