1. Dan Patrick
Feel free to add your own jerks in the comments...
In doing highlights on the overproduced, overhyped, over crowded, Football Night In America- he made it a point to remark how "sloppy" our game was. He talked about Bradford's 3 interceptions and mentioned all of "fumbles". Did he even watch the game? (of course not) He looked at the line. 2 interceptions were on desperation plays, and almost all the fumbles were on the Arizona side (the Ryan fumble was a legitimate strip/hustle play. Any comparisons to Leon Lett are completely asinine.) Hey Dan, watch the game before your smug face and over-hairsprayed coif start with condescending remarks. How was it everyone ate up his wry, holier-than-thou attitude years ago on ESPN and now on NBC it comes off as being a total assface? He makes Craig Kilborn look classy. What a jerk.
Dude, we love ya. Great, hard-nosed game today. But c'mon! We have enough inexperience on the field, don't look like a rookie on the sideline! Know how to use your freakin' timeouts. I know it's only your second year and stuff, but don't you practice this crap? Should I send you a copy of Madden and just have you practice 1 minute drills from the 50 with 2 timeouts? Okay, that's what I'll do. You're not usually a jerk, so stop acting like one! (Oh, and the blocked field goal was a game changer. WTF? I'd hope there is an emphasis on this in practice this week)
3. The Raiders Fan at Starbucks this morning
Unless you're a long lost member of NWA, you really have no right to wear that Raiders gear with such a proud look on your face (and can we officially kill this flat-bill-tag-still-on-the-hat fad?). I hope you made it home in time to actually watch the Raiders pathetic performance instead of slugging around and soaking up free wi-fi. Oh yeah, I saw you glance at my Rams shirt and roll your eyes. I hope you're prepared to have your butt pirates beaten so terribly it will send Skeletor Davis into the grave he should've been in 15 years ago. Meet me there next week after the game and I'll express yo' brains straight outta Starbucks all the way to the Coffee Bean across the street. Jerk.