Inside 3k's brain - June 20th

  Well, first off, I wanna thank everybody in my hood.  LBJ & Midway, Shoney's, Red Coleman, my wife, esepecially my family and my kid, everybody.  I definitely wanna thank my doctor, Dr. Julie, um, my urologist, she really helped me relax a lot.  Thank you so much.  It's so difficult to write, all the fu..., with so much emotion goin on in this series, but she helped me relax.  I thank you so much.

  All that aside, it's been an interesting last week.  I completed a life-long desire to come up with a reason to hate Mali.  We said goodbye to one of the oddest (and yet nicest) figures in all of sport, Manute Bol.  And Texas stayed in the Big XII / Big ?.  Still, there's plenty in the old head tank to throw out.  I'll try to avoid any fútbol, since last time that turned into a classic "You're stupid", "No, you're stupid.","Whatever, stupid" TST thread.  So today, I'll hit:

• The NFL contract (we need a better word for that)
• Things you should not have

Join me for a world of fantasy and jollity where I channel my most whiny inner Andy Rooney (who is a Giants season ticket-holder).  Oh, and my single comin' out.

Contractual obligations

  What is the point of a contract in the NFL?  Really, what is?  The Raiders are suing JaMarcus Russell for $9.55 million claiming his contract was changed at "some point."  How is there an argument here?  When you or I sign a contract, it counts.  When NFL players sign a contract, it only counts until it doesn't.  Unless it was changed to not count until it needed to be counted at which time we would count who counted it and talk like the Count.  Darrelle Revis signed a six-year, $30 million contract in 2007.  In 2008, Chris Johnson signed a five-year deal for $12 million.  Now, in 2010, they are holding out for new contracts.  I would like to apply this to my contract in the Army.  "I have been a high-speed NCO and a consummate professional beyond expectations.  I am therefore not going to show up for formation tomorrow until I am offered a ton more money.  Like that general over there."  Or I could always go the Albert Haynesworth route - take on a huge contract, not be very useful in a new system, be a complete ass to my teammates and then demand I be traded.  "When I came to this unit, I thought I was going to do what I did in my last unit and earn a lot more money.  Instead, you are asking me to do something new that I might not be good at.  I do not like this.  I demand you send me to a unit like my old one where I can go back to doing what I was good at even though you'll pay me lots of money if I suck at doing what you want me to do."

  These kinds of things make me respect a situation like Logan Mankins that much more.  Mankins, like most offensive linemen, is unkown to the casual fan (even his photo on Wikipedia maintains his facial secrecy like Tim's neighbor over the fence in Home Improvement).  While he would have been an unrestricted free agent this year, the new rules made him a restricted FA and eventually saw his tender lowered by the Patriots' FO.  Sure, if someone verbally "promised" him a new contract and then went back on it, that's a punk move.  But that's business.  Paper's valid, words are salad...or something.  And I can understand his holdout - he's been a phenomenal guard, he's getting screwed, and this is his only recourse outside of playing a final year in his less-than-true-value contract.  When Mankins signed it, the rules were different.  In fact, he went to the FO at the end of the 2008 season to discuss the issue.  This seems like a case where an outstanding player showed his desire to remain with a team, but is upset that the team is trying to secure his services as cheaply as possible.  I understand both sides.

  I'm not a lawyer.  I'm not an accountant.  I'm not a football player (at least a professional one.  I did go roughly 28/30 at QB the last time I played a pick-up game, and talked some A-level ish, so that's practically UFL game).  I just don't get how NFL contracts are completely relative.  And yes, I know I've skipped over San Diego's pair (!) and Tom Brady's contract talks and even the looming standard-setting Peyton Manning deal.  Hell, I've skipped over hundreds of these situations (our own AxJax included).  I don't know what the answer is (which is why I'm hoping this thread is more constructive than the last), but I hope the league moves toward sanity once we get the new CBA figured out. 

Things you should not have

 - The toe-shoes: Your grandfather died in World War II so you could wear running shoes.  Don't be a jerk.

 - The vibrating toothbrush: What are you, too lazy to make your forearms work for a minute? 

 - The man thong: Unless for comedic effect.  Then, must be purchased, worn, paraded in front of thousands, and immediately burned.

 - The man granny panties: See above.

 - Manicured nails: Holy hot sauce, if you need a reason, punch yourself where you skin is thinnest.

 - A painting of you as a centaur: No ego can justify such a thing.  Equally culpable is the fool who painted it.  Even Thomas Kinkade deserves more respect than you.

 - Anything ever seen at Wired's Danger Room, an awesome blog if you have any interest in the future of warfare.  And definitely no EMPs.  It's such a dickhead weapon.  What if I haven't saved my work?

 - Any Seahawks, Niners or Cardinals memorabilia.  In fact, be careful with your St. Louis Cardinals stuff - it would be very easy for some hooligan from Phoenix to vandalize your Cards shirt so as to break this rule.

 - A Lawrence Phillips jersey

 - A crappy Father's Day (unless you are childless, then all the happiness in your life for today should be sucked out and reallocated to dads).

Holler.